understanding Corpspeak

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Those of us who work in the corporate world for any length of time have become very fluent in corpspeak. We can speak and understand the language. However, for those who are new to this work environment you should be familiar with some base corpspeak terms and what they mean. Herewith are some base corpspeak terms along with their actual meaning.

"I'll get back to you." Meaning: "I don't know the answer. I'll blow you off for a week and hopefully you'll just forget about it."

"My computer is slow today" Meaning: "Between Facebook,Twitter, YouTube and porn, I have so many websites open I can't find the file you're finding for."

"With all due respect.." Meaning: "Get ready because I'm about to say something very disrespectful to you."

"I'll shoot you an email." Meaning: " I have no idea what you're talking about. Let me hang up and I'll try and frame out the answer."

"Just a quick follow-up..." Meaning: "It's been three weeks since I asked you about that. You said you would get back to me."

" I was in a meeting." Meaning: 'I was in the bathroom."

"I was on a consulation call." Meaning: See "I was in a meeting."

"I'll just give you the broad strokes." Meaning: "I was half paying concentration to the guy who gave me the answer. I'll repeat some vague phrases I remember him saying and hopefully that will be enough for you."

"I don't want you to reinvent the wheel." Meaning: " I don't care what you have to do, just get me the answer."

"That amount is a moving target." Meaning: " For some suspect I can't frame out why we're off. I know I look authentically slow-witted right now."

"Think exterior the box." Meaning: There is no translation for this phrase. It means authentically nothing. There is no box that anything thinks exterior of.

Have a good day. Let's do lunch!

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